It can be extremely difficult to understand what's going through your teenager's mind, so here are 5 things your teenager is not saying out loud.
I walked into my teenage daughter’s room and she had forgotten her phone.
I rarely snoop on her conversations with her friends but that day I couldn’t help it.
This girl had been so moody lately with little or no communication at all.
I had been keeping calm and composed, telling myself it had nothing to do with me. But when I saw her phone, I really wanted to have a peak into her world.
I guess you would have done the same?
Well, although it may not have been the right thing to do, I ended up learning so much that would improve our relationship.
5 things your teenager is not saying out loud
- Stop yelling: Teenagers will rarely voice their frustration and may actually close up when they can’t do much about a situation. One of my daughter’s friends was telling her how she wishes her mum would stop yelling in the house. Her words were: ‘I feel like renting my own apartment.' The yelling may not be aimed at her, but all the same it is frustrating.
- Practice what you preach: Children learn from what they see and observe. My daughter was telling her friend: 'You should see my parents glued to their phones and yet they tell me I should have limited time with mine.' I immediately knew that I needed to adjust my screen time too.
- I just want to spent some quite time in my room, I am not suicidal: In one of her online school groups, a teenage boy was complaining about how his mum keeps knocking on his bedroom door asking if he is OK. Sometimes it’s good to let your teenager be alone. They actually enjoy time on their own.
- You are embarrassing me: We all want them to remain forever the little prince or princess who holds our hands while crossing the road. But trust me, you are embarrassing them! Especially if their friends are around. Your teenager wants their space so give them room to grow and be independent.
- Stop talking about my body changes, it’s embarrassing: Looking at my teenage girl, my eyes can’t help but fall on her chest. In my mind, my daughter has grown very fast, but the longer the gaze the more uncomfortable she becomes. It's embarrassing to your teenager if you keep talking about their widening hips for girls, broken voice for boys or broadening shoulders. My daughter once told me that she doesn’t want to be in the family get-together because everyone keeps telling her that she has grown so big.
Bottom line
The teenage years are such a seminal phase in a child's life.
So staying positive, respecting their independence and right to space, and doing our best to help them IF they need it should be our goal.