Many of us are guilty, perhaps without even noticing, so I'm going to show you 8 signs that you are over-parenting your child.
My 10-year-old daughter is going on an educational trip with her class.
They will go to a different town for three days and I am damn worried.
I am not sure she will remember where she put her shoes, her toothbrush, or whether she will wake up on time.
Signs you are over-parenting your child
But what is surprising to me is my neighbour, whose child is in the same class and is going on the same trip.
She is so relaxed and not worried at all about her child.
Over-parenting is simply being too involved in your child’s life, and this may have certain repercussions on you and them.
You might think you're doing a good thing by being extra attentive, but you could actually be doing more damage than good.
What are some signs you are over-parenting?
- You are tired: You are doing work for two or more people and you are so tired. Doing everything for your child who is over six years old may become quite a task. Asking your child to take their plate to the sink, pick up their socks or carry their school bag will relieve you of some tasks that could wear you out.
- You are the only one doing it: Look around, you are the only one helping your eighth grade child to put on their sweater, fix their hair or their collar. Most of my fellow parents are not worried about this coming trip. This has made me realize I could be overdoing this parenting thing.
- Your child shouts at you and makes demands: Over-parenting causes some children to feel entitled and they'll expect you to stop what you are doing and attend to them at lightning speed. Failure to jump to their beat can cause tantrums.
- Parental temper tantrums: It is tempting to want to jump into your child’s conflicts with their friends and want to solve them. But it is good to let your children/teens solve their own issues. Parents sometimes fight school principals, nannies, or coaches on behalf of their children, but this causes their children to depend on others to defend them, and they may never know how to stand up for themselves in the future.
- You find it hard to say no: Over-parenting usually has one aim; the good of your child, but unfortunately, if your child doesn’t learn to handle the disappointments of having no as an answer, they will find it difficult handling disappointments in life in the future.
- You forbid activities that scare you: I once fell while skating and this has been one of my reasons for forbidding my daughters to skate. Allow your children freedom based on their accountability and responsibility. A little scratch from a bicycle fall, or a small burn while they learn how to cook is all part of the process.
- You are over-praising your child: It is good to encourage your child, but over-praising can be damaging. Your child may grow up to avoid any activity that they do not excel in, and constantly seek validation through praise.
- Your surprised by what your child can do when you are away: I once left my two-year-old daughter, who had to be followed around to eat and took me a whole day to do her hair, with my sister. When I came back, I found this girl full, having finished her food and her hair well done, and there was no fuss. I knew then it was time to reduce the pampering.
A point to ponder
Balance is the key to healthy parenting.
Finding a point where you are not over involved but neither are you neglecting your child, is the best way for everyone.