It's a question many parents struggle with; how to motivate your teen to work hard at school.
It can be extremely frustrating, and upsetting, to know that your child has lots of ability but little to no dedication to their studies.
If they're actually struggling with their studies, that's a different matter and one which will require you to meet with their teachers and explore if there are learning issues, or social and emotional challenges which are causing the problems.
But if they're not living up to their potential or underperforming in school simply because they're lazy, that's an entirely different matter that requires a different approach.
How to motivate your teen to work hard at school
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Here are 8 top tips for how to motivate your teen to work hard at school.
- Get involved: As a parent, you have to show an interest in your child's academic life to boost their commitment to work. Do homework with them, and let them know that you’re available to answer questions. Get in the habit of asking them about what they learned in school. This is especially effective with young kids who tend to be excited about whatever you’re excited about. Teenagers can be difficult if they feel you're asking too many questions, so make sure you tell them things about your day. But, don't go overboard. If your child thinks you're nagging, they may rebel and do nothing.
- Use reinforcement: Many parents are nervous about rewarding kids for good work, but there are ways around that. “Kids respond really well to social reinforcers like praises, hugs, high fives, and those kinds of things,” says Laura Phillips, PsyD, a neuropsychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “Then they start to achieve because it feels good for them.” Try small things like treats, such as going for ice cream.
- Reward effort rather than outcome: The message you want to send is that you respect hard work. Praising kids for following through when things get difficult, for making a sustained effort, and for trying things they’re not sure they can do successfully can all help teach them the pleasure of pushing themselves.
- Help them see the big picture: Sometimes simple reminders of their long-term goals can help push them. Remind them of the grades they need to get to college, and their dream career.
- Let them make mistakes: No one can get A’s on every test. Everyone has to fail at some stage in life.
- Get outside help: One way to take a little tension away from your relationship with your child is to find an older student to help them out with work. Most will charge pretty low rates, and the fact that they’re closer to your kid’s age may make it more likely they’ll listen to what they say.
- Make the teacher your ally: Another one of the most important things you can do for your child is to work with their teacher. The teacher might have additional insight about how to motivate your child or what they might be struggling with.
- Get support for yourself: If you’re feeling yourself getting really angry or frustrated with your kids, take a step back and put things into context. It’s also important to keep your goals in perspective; if you expect perfect achievement from a child who struggles in school, you’ll drive yourself crazy.